Alone, Together (?)

A bizzare paradoxical reality in which we live in

 

Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/willkommen/5499711690

          We now currently live in a time where loneliness is, somehow, considered as something cool and edgy. From the not-so-safe-for-work threads of 4chan and Reddit, to the posts from very popular social Medias such as Facebook, Twitter, etc., we cannot deny the fact that loneliness has somehow become a very popular and fun topic to talk about, especially in this era where individualism reigns. It is ironic to see that these trending shouts of loneliness is actually happening in this individualistic era. I mean like, why would anyone care about your pain? When anyone has their own. But face it, the individualistic era endorses free speech as much as they endorse “not giving a fuck to any shit out there” (read: ignorance). Despite being a cool and hip topic, let’s take a short while to re-think about loneliness. Before we talk any further about “loneliness”, I think it is best to first examine the definition of loneliness; what “loneliness” really means.

I personally consider loneliness to be something “not good”; something unpleasant and repulsive; a condition not to be dwelled for a long time. Although I find myself too often in loneliness, I’m not keen on the idea of being lonely for too long. I’ll never get used to that terrible feeling. Loneliness may drain me of my sanity and self-control. The longer I stayed that way, the more “autistic”, “retarded”, and childish I might become. Based on my private opinion, loneliness is a bad thing. However, as a scholar, I believe that it is best to look upon “loneliness” in an objective sense. I took the definition of “loneliness” from Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary: 7^th Ed. to understand it in a more scholarly manner. “Loneliness” means “the unhappy feeling because you have no friends or people to talk to”. Based on the definition, I believe we can now more or less agree that loneliness is a bad thing.

Another way to look at loneliness in an objective-scholarly sense is to look at it in a scientific perspective. In my opinion, sociology (which represents the social-science discipline) and biology (which represents the natural-science discipline) are good in explaining “loneliness”. To understand “loneliness” better, we must delve into the opposite of loneliness; “togetherness” through the history. I believe we all have heard our teachers nagging “men / humans / people are social beings” at us numerous times ever since elementary school. This is true, for alone men is nothing. Due to his or her limitations, man depends on others to fulfill his or her needs. Without others, it is simply impossible to fulfill a man’s needs, hence threatening man’s survival. So, in order to fulfill their needs and survive, men must gather, interact, and help each other. Mankind has evolved into social beings as an answer to nature’s selection. “Togetherness” or the state of being together is survival mechanism developed by mankind. By being together, man can better fulfill their needs through working together and the division of labor based on their skills. As basic needs like feeding, procreation (yea, SEX :D), and survival are ensured, mankind’s needs also grow. Without others, man is simply prone and vulnerable to threats outside his or herself. It is easier to survive in numbers than alone against wild animals like bears. It is easier and more efficient, to hunt and cultivate foodstuff together than alone. “Loneliness” or being lonely is actually against the very human nature of survival. That bad and unpleasant feeling that we feel in loneliness is actually a sub-conscious response, based on our psyche through the nerves and hormonal systems, which tells you to stop being lonely and try to get back into society. That bad feeling you get is actually an alarm.

                Now, by this point I believe that you guys might’ve agreed and said that loneliness is a bad thing. We all abhor loneliness... consciously. People hates loneliness when they think about it, because our thoughts are based on the basic instinct of survival and self-preservation. However, reality speaks otherwise. If loneliness is truly wrong in a natural sense, then why is it still popular in our everyday life, especially in social Medias?

In the virtual realm of social Media, people tend to don a mask or put on a second face. This secondary identity or “alter-ego” is liberating. With it, you can do and say almost everything that you want without fearing any real-life physical consequences. Online interactions with strangers poses next to no threat towards your survival. Moreover the lack of control and inhibition given by the online society gives people even more room and freedom of speech and expression. This means there’s a big chance that most posts online are actually posted without thinking much. Posts represents and reflects what that person feel and think at the current moment; feelings and thoughts that are usually inappropriate and rude in real life. In the case of loneliness, loneliness is somewhat inappropriate in real life; it’s a bad thing. However in the internet, loneliness is not that bad and flaunting it is deemed acceptable and even praised. How so?

“ALONE, TOGETHER”

It took me quite some time to ponder a suitable title for this thought. I came up and chose this title because it perfectly describes the peculiar reality of the society in which we live in. You might (indeed) feel lonely. However, you’re not the only one feeling lonely in this world. There are numerous others that shares the same feeling as you at the current moment. As bad as loneliness may seem or as isolated you are from the rest of the society, ironically, loneliness is now a uniting factor. People are now united because they share this same feeling. By stating loneliness out loud into public space as an individual collectively, you now no longer feel THAT lonely. The knowledge that you’re not alone being alone somehow eases the pain of loneliness. It gives you a sense of togetherness, precisely the opposite of loneliness.

In this opportunity, I will call the act of stating loneliness into the public space as a method to ease the pain as “stating loneliness”. “Stating loneliness” is an action that may or may not stop “loneliness”. There’s a chance that through “stating loneliness”, you and others may interact, socialize, and bond together to eradicate loneliness. However, there’s also a chance that it may not have enough power to push someone to break out of his or her cage of “loneliness”. Perhaps these people are already pleased and sufficient with the easing of their pain. They no longer seek to eradicate it. Ironically, perhaps, they are now addicted and dependent to the feeling. They are so familiarized to the sensation of pain in loneliness that they fail to acknowledge and comprehend other feelings. They are afraid of the alien concept of not being in “pain” of loneliness. They are afraid of being together and happy, so they rather spend their entire life in pain. They just don’t have enough balls to take that step. Another reason why people become addicted to loneliness is because it makes them feel like they’re of importance; the central of the universe. The realization of being alone greatly signifies you’re self-awareness and consciousness.

Another interesting aspect of “stating loneliness” is that not just it eases the pain, but also empowers them who feels lonely (at least to most people). As stated before, stating loneliness publically gives you a sense of togetherness; and being together in numbers gives you a sense of greatness, power, resilience, and significance. By being lonely, no longer you will feel weak estranged, and vulnerable. On the contrary, you now feel stronger because of the illusion that you are now a part of something bigger, more important, and more relevant than yourself. Stating loneliness publically indirectly. Stating loneliness is no longer about “you”, it’s about “us” (the whole society).

So all in all, these are some of the reasons why loneliness and its public display is something okay and even considered cool now. Stating loneliness may actually be the best way to get rid of the unpleasant feeling of loneliness. That is all my rant about “loneliness” in public for now. Thank you for taking your time to read this shit. (Sorry for the headaches and confusion caused)